Security…

A while ago I was travelling to the US to visit a friend and experienced the following at a US airport.  Now, I will note from the outset that I know that the staff and people at airport immigration front lines do an important role so that we arrive safe and sound more often than not.  I get that there are nuts in this world that see nothing wrong with destroying innocent lives and societies.  And this protection and safety comes at a cost of inconvenience.

Having said that, we do sometimes get some interesting and smile inducing stories…

Landed in the US for a connecting flight, I lined up at immigration to pass through border control.  I finally got to the front where I was met by a smiley face behind the desk.  I recall thinking ‘see, coming to the US isn’t so bad, see they smile and everything.’

“Mr Cheema, this is your lucky day!  Pick up your bags from the carousel and proceed through that door.”

“Oh, cool!  Am I getting business lounge.”  Genuinely, this is what I thought.  Someone tells me I am ‘lucky’ and I instinctively default to the positive.  In this case that positive being the business lounge at the airport.  Now, on closer thought, I do believe that the perceived smile on the US official, was just that; a perception!  And I should have known, he meant the other kind of ‘lucky’.  You know, the one where a bird uses you for target practice and someone says ‘that’s lucky you know’. 

Side note: remind me to tell you about the time a bird did use me for target practice and pebble dashed the inside of my brand-new car.

Anyhow, rather naively I picked up my bags with a bit of a bounce in my step, doubled back and went through said door.  Now what greeted me appeared to be a very guarded business lounge, with several armed officials all around the room and behind desks, and I recall thinking ‘wow, these guys really don’t want just anyone walking into their business lounges hey’.

“Passport”

“Huh, who me?”

“Passport”

“Oh, okay, yes here you go.  The other gentleman appears to have forgotten my business lounge ticket.  Where do I go”.

“Name”

“I don’t know, I think it was Steve or something.  Shall I go ask him?”

“Sir!  I would advise you do not leave or step away until I tell you.”

“Yeah, nah its no stress, I can see him through those windows, there look.”

“Sir, this is how it works; I ask a question, you answer and then you sit down.”

“Huh, is this the waiting room for the lounge?”

“Yeah, something like that…”  With the same wry smile that Steve at front desk had.

Anyway, we exchanged a few questions and answers.  It was only when I sat down and noticed the official looking posters warning against terrorism and reminding us all to be more vigilant that it started dawning on me.   This was not the waiting room meant for the ‘lucky’ ones…

Holy poo!  What the heck was I being held here for.  Surely, they were just doing a few checks and making sure I was okay.  Surely, they did not think I was one of the bad brown people!  Flippin heck, I even shaved my stubble to reduce the risk of profiling.  Looking around I saw only like looking people, men and women, about my age, of Asian / Middle Eastern decent, bewildered as to why they were shown that door.

“Mr Cheema.”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Sir, please come forward with your luggage to the metal table over there and wait for the officer.”

I went over and waited nervously.  Even if there is nothing at all the matter, I still struggle not appearing to be guilty.

“Sir, please lift and place your bags on the table.”

I struggled to lift the suitcase – it had two weeks of clothing after all.

“Sir, please open the cases.”

Now, this is where I had a scare.  As I finished unzipping and opening the suitcase, the security officer looked at my clothes and then reached below and pulled out some gloves.  I still remember the way he did that snapping thing with the glove end before looking me in the eyes.  I can tell you that my grip on the table was that tight that you could see my knuckles!  Oh, dear lord, this was it, this was that scene from all those comedies that all of a sudden did not seem as funny anymore.

While all this was going through my mind, the officer briskly looked through the bags and started to take the gloves off.

“Is that it?”

“Yes, please take your cases and return to your seat.  Another officer will be with you.”

Smiling, I said; ”Oh, I thought it was a full search, you know, with the gloves and all.”

“Oh no sir, for cavity searches I would use these…” He then pulled out a very long, heavy duty plastic based, shiny full arm gloves.  The ones that belong on a farm to help farmers with horses and stuff!

“…” A look of shock had by now wiped my smile of relief away.

“And, I would be asking you to accompany me to that door over there.”

“The one marked with X?!”

“Yes.”

Quickly assessing that I did not want to reopen the search I even more quickly zipped up my suitcase and rapidly returned to my seat, thankful of my lucky escape.

A few hours passed when suddenly there was a hush in the room.  All the idle chit chatting stopped as we watched young Caucasian guy with his kid sister, the two of them must have been 24 and 15 respectively.  From what we could make out, they were being questioned because they did not have the proper signed consent from their mother.  As the sister was classed a minor, the officers had to then ensure she was not being held against her wishes.

Looking at their body language you could tell they were just a normal brother and sister who just wanted to get home.  They had no phone so could not get hold of their parents.  This meant they were also joining the rest of us in the ‘lucky’ business lounge.

They also went through the same questions I did and were then asked to come to the metal table to search through bags and luggage.  After the initial buzz at seeing a different ‘random’ selection we carried on with the lazy chatter, until….

“Harj, sush, look over there….”

Now, I admit that I could not see what was in the bag so cannot tell you exactly what induced the reactions we saw.  Having said that I am pretty sure you can imagine what it might have been.

“Maam, please open your cases and step away.”  Gloves on routine, snapping et al.

Suddenly the girl put her jacket over her face whilst the brother had a ‘WTF!’ look on his.

 “Maam, does this take batteries?”

Slowly taking the jacket down off her now reddened face….she nodded up and down.

“Maam, are these the batteries?”  Pulling out the biggest batteries that you can possibly buy from the shops.

“Y…yes, there is two….”

Suffice to say, we were all in a bit more of a higher spirited mood and had a fair few smiles on our faces.  As one of my new-found friends put it…

“8 hours being questioned, but Bro…worth it!”  I could not have summed it up better!

This was an actual experience I had.  The take away (if there was one); we can always find something to smile about and to not pack certain things while on family trips…