Being Veggie...

It has never been a better time to be Vegetarian and even more, to be Vegan.  Amongst other things this has meant greater options for us.  For this I am so grateful for those who have constantly pushed the norm - thank you.

But there was a time when eating out meant watching others enjoy new flavours - whilst the Veggie would be choosing whether to put vinegar or salt first.  With the only menu choice being chips.

I recall the time 10 of us went to a Chinese restaurant.  Upon hearing I was Vegetarian the waiter was like “this is a proper food place – we don’t do that.”  Suffice to say I sat there eating fried seaweed – order some when you get a chance; imagine a whole hour with just that; fun.  That experience could be a story in itself. 

Or when the only Veggie choice at events was Ready Salted Crisps.  Yup, these were the first to go. Leaving the unprepared hungry until the next coffee break – you would then find us loading up on biscuits and cakes - healthy fare!

With the above in mind, this entry covers a few times I became stuck at work – part 1 below.

The Amuse-Bouche:

Picture it; attending my first Crimbo party as a fresh graduate.  I dutifully filled out the menu options - clearly stating that I was Vegetarian.  Further, I even explained my brand of Vegetarian; no fish or egg but I could eat other dairy products like milk and cheese.

The clarity about the milk and cheese is that I would otherwise be presented with something two shades from cardboard.  And because of the added effort by the host, I would be almost forced to show appreciation.  Oh, the joys of being a Vegetarian!

An aside:

Those that know me will contest that they have seen me eat cakes blatantly made using eggs.  Well, for the record; I will happily turn a blind eye to egg content if presented with an unmissable cake or for that matter any cake!  In fact, if they HAVE to inform me of the egg content I simply ask that “they” allow me to finish the deliciousness and ONLY then tell me. 

As part of the exchange, I will even feign shock horror at the news.  Just don’t put me in a situation of having to decline the desert before the first spoon; or even worse, half finished!!!

Aside over – you have been told.

So, this first Christmas party; starter of salad and Bruschetta - lovely.  Main course and the Festive Turkey breast came out. All got their plates and then mine. It was the same as the others.

Mr TaT:  “Ummm, sorry, I ticked the Vegetarian option.  Any chance of getting that one?” 

Waiter: “Oh sure, yeah, no problem. I will see what we can do.”

A few minutes passed.  Being polite my colleagues were abstaining until my food arrived.  

A few more minutes passed, it was getting awkward.

Mr TaT: “Yeah, guys, don’t wait for me...”

No protest, the knives and forks tucked in - these were some hungry people! 

An age later, the waiter returned.

Waiter: “Really sorry sir, but there was a mix up and they had not ordered enough Veg meals.

What I have done though is bring you the veg from the normal main course and so at least you can have that”.

Side note: Yes, the dude classed everyone else as “normal”.

Being a newbie and not wanting to cause a scene I made out I was more than happy with the workaround until that is, I saw the plate. 

The proud waiter slid the plate on to the table.  Winked and strutted off like he had just saved a life.

I, however, did not feel saved...you could see where the gravy and turkey had been resting, it was the same plate only with the offending items wiped off.  The gall of the man!  He had given me back the same plate and not even bothered to wipe clean the meat residue.

The disappointment on my face could be seen.  I was though getting very hungry and my stomach had started to rumble...audibly!

Colleague to the left: “Don’t worry, just eat have the veg and potatoes. The tots are really really nice.” 

Mr TaT: “Yeah, cheers”

Make the best of a bad situation and all that.  I got some mustard, adding a plump roast potato with some veg and sprout. Bringing it up to my mouth it looked pretty good, and I was just about to bite when…

Colleague to the right: “I wouldn’t do that if I were you...”

I stopped, salivating at the mouth, clearly relishing the moment the fork was in the mouth.  Why could he not have waited a moment longer!  No, he did that thing of getting me at the peak of anticipation...

Mr TaT: “Huh, what’s that now. “ 

Swallowing down empty mouthfuls of air.

Colleague: “Those potatoes...they aren’t Veggie.”

Mr TaT: “Huh, how can taters not be veg?”

I must have missed the episode where Jamie Oliver became a magician and turned plain potatoes into beef!

Colleague: “Yeah, they are veg but they seemed to be cooked in goose fat.” 

Mr TaT: “I don’t believe it!”  Sounding almost Victor Meldrew like.

Throwing down the cutlery in disbelief, I grabbed the only thing I could consume...my tic tacs.

Part 2 to follow...stay tuned folks.