Being Veggie part 2...
This being the second part of the veggie story; you will be familiar with some of the challenges encountered being vegetarian.
First some context:
I was working within a team that had achieved some key milestones. The achievement was of such order that it was even recognised by the company Board. As a nod of appreciation, we were invited to join the Board’s Christmas luncheon.
Note the use of luncheon and not lunch. This was no mere “foot long” down the local Subway. There were even rumours of a butler service.
Team Leader: “Right lads, normal morning and then lunch will be around 12:45.”
Colleague: “Cool, what’s on the menu?”
Team Leader: “Normal festive stuff, Turkey and booze. I have made sure they also have vegetarian for you TaT.”
Mr TaT: “Great, cheers for that.”
The time came, and we made our way to the lift - straight to the top floor.
Concierge: “Good afternoon gents, I will be your concierge this afternoon. Thank you for your prompt arrival. The Board will be breaking for lunch shortly. Please make yourselves comfortable – you will find we have a good range of the daily press.
Excited and hungry we waited. And waited. A full hour was clocked before a reappearance.
Concierge: “Thank you for your patience gents. The Board are now closing off discussions.
Through the double doors and we were greeted by something from the movies. Senior leaders in deep discussion, dark woods and leather everywhere and the biggest display of fruit I had seen outside of a supermarket. All this while white gloved butlers swanned around topping up sherry glasses.
Butler 1: “Can I tempt you sir?”
Mr TaT: “Pardon? Tempt me?” Exactly, what kind of “luncheon” was this?
Team Leader: “He means sherry you prat!” Hissing in my ear, seeing the shock on my face.
Mr TaT: “Oh, yes I see. I mean, no thank you; I don’t drink.”
Butler 1: “You don’t drink?” Raising an incredulous eye.
Team Leader: “He will have the orange juice, thanks.”
Mr TaT: “Or actually, I will have a water please.”
Butler 1: “Very well sir.”
This exchange caught the ear of the Head Butler.
Head Butler: “Good afternoon gents, the water is on its way. I am head of service and will be personally on hand to ensure a smooth run.
A few minutes of small talk with members of the Board and we were referred to our seats.
Head Butler: “Ah, I see YOU are the Vegetarian. Tea total and a veto on the meat – quite the fun combination.”
Yup; I was being judged by a man who wore white gloves for a living.
The starters came out; salad with something that looked like small white mozzarella balls.
Concierge: “Thank you all, as you can see starters have now been served. The Chef has selected a salad range from the local farm with a delightful addition of quail eggs. Please tuck in.”
Did he say eggs? Ah man, this was starting to feel very familiar. I beckoned the Head Butler.
Head Butler: “Sir?”
Mr TaT: “Yes, is there a vegetarian choice?”
Head Butler: “Sir, I think you will find this is vegetarian fare.”
He was trying to school me on being veggie!
Mr TaT: “Ummm, no. I mean I don’t eat eggs.”
A discussion ensued; on being vegetarian and how my version of vegetarian was different from the dictionary entry. I was then labelled as vegan, which led to a further discussion.
Board Member: “Geoffrey, see what you can do to accommodate our guest?”
Note: I cannot remember the Head Butler’s name, Geoffrey feels fitting, or perhaps it was Alfred.
Head Butler: “Yes, very well sir.”
Geoffrey walked over to the extravagant fruit display. Smiling, he picked up a melon, elegantly cut 3 three slices and delicately placed them onto a starter plate. He then adorned the slices with a few grapes and walked back over to me.
The plate looked good – and fair play to him, it was vegetarian.
Head Butler: “I trust this serves you well sir?”
Mr TaT: “Oh, yes, yes thank you.”
Hunger abated. Empty dishes collected. Drinks were topped up and conversation resumed regarding the state of the economy, the markets and blah blah blah.
Concierge: “Gents, we now have the main course of Turkey. And a vegetable Wellington for our more selective guest.”
I was getting the distinct feeling of being mocked without being mocked. You know, when you feel slighted but without anything concrete to prove your sentiment.
Head Butler: “I think you will find no animals were interfered with for the making of this dish.” He said with a wry smile.
The plate had been left under the hot lamp way too long. The vegetables had shrunk from their previously plump levels to dry shrivels – it was a sad dish.
However, as the man said, it was vegetarian and for this I was grateful.
Soon enough our plates were cleared, with drinks topped up.
Concierge: “Deserts - Eton mess with a Chantilly cream accompanied by a delicate yet punchy Christmas pudding.”
Ah frick, that sounded good, but I could not ignore the booziness. You could even smell the alcohol as the desert was being served!
Mr TaT: “Ummm, sorry Geoffrey, I am afraid to say…”
Head Butler: “Not to worry sir, I will have a look at what we can do with…sorry, FOR you.”
Mr TaT: “Please do not feel you have to go to too much trouble….”
Head Butler: “Not at all sir, not at all. I know just the treat.”
Oh yes! Finally; a break. A sweet dish just as appealing as the Chantilly malarkey. Something so magical that even Geoffrey the wry smiling so and so was moved to call it a treat.
Oh, how naive I was…
Without a break in his stride, our man Geoff walked over to the same fruit corner picked up the same half cut melon…
Head Butler: “I think you will find this fitting…”
DANG!
Lessons:
You can have fruit for starter and desert.
In fact, you can have THE SAME FRUIT for starter and desert.
A treat can mean anything but – do not be misled!