Avian Vengeance...
This one is a story of a bird who just did not quit!
The day had come, I was picking up my new car. I was eager to get it out of the dealership but man alive there were so many forms to fill out. Finally, I got the key…
Car Dealer: “Ummmm, you know it’s a red right?”
Mr TaT: “Yes that’s the one. Does it not look red?” Did he think I was suddenly colour blind?
Car Dealer: “Sorry, no, I meant its red and birds, you know….”
Mr TaT: “I know?” Starting to lose the new car glowing feeling.
Car Dealer: “Sorry Sir, no nothing. It’s just what they say about birds and red cars.”
Mr TaT: “Girls like red cars? Like red Ferraris? Are you saying this car is going to make me sexier?”
Car Dealer: “Ummm, well no not that. I mean it might but don’t count on it.” Trying hard not to offend but at the same time remaining factual.
Car Dealer: “Nah, it just that thing about birds dropping bombs on red cars.”
Mr TaT: “What what?!” Chuckling – birds prefer to shit on certain coloured cars.
Car Dealer: “Ummmm, it’s a thing we are told to tell anyone picking up red cars. That’s why we have given you the additional paint protection kit – the spray helps to neutralise the lime in the droppings. But make sure you wear the protective goggles.”
Mr TaT: “You want me to spray this stuff and wash it off when I get bird shit on my car?”
The new car glow had all gone. Instead I was having a conversation about bird poo!
Car Dealer: “Sorry for bringing it up but I have to, as instructed by management.”
Mr TaT: “Okay, well thank you.” Clearly the lad was off his nut and besides, I wanted to drive off in the new baby.
Fast forward 3 days…..
I had parked overnight under a tree. In the morning I woke to find a prime specimen of poo poo from what must have been the largest pigeon in the South West.
Out came the shampoo kit. I must have looked a right numpty; in gloves and safety goggles at 7am in the morning!
Friend: “You alright mate?”
Mr TaT: “Yeah, its just the lime, it messes up the paint…”
Friend: “The lime?”
Mr TaT: “Huh, nah, it’s okay now.”
I was a little geeked out by the whole shampoo thing. Damn bird, it must have been waiting and storing that dump since the dealership. Was this red thing really a thing/
…next day…
Driving along in my new favourite thing I heard a thud as I went under a bridge. I looked up and thanked all that is Holy that the sun roof was closed.
The bird had dumped another sample on my car! It had the aim of a sniper - if the roof had been open, it would have plop plopped straight on my head!
Out came the shampoo kit and goggles…
….two days later….
New car glow on again, music blaring, sun out and roof down. It was a lovely drive; stunning views and the roads were clear. At one point I felt a fly land on my shoulder but brushed it aside.
Got to my destination, parked up, mirrors locked in and alarm on. An hour or two later I returned and was glad to see that the airborne sharp shooters had given my baby a free pass.
I drove back to the office to catch up with paper work with mum (family business).
Mum: “Oh, that’s good luck isn’t it?”
Mr TaT: “What is?”
Mum: “When a bird poo poo’s on you. They say its good luck.”
Thinking she had lapsed into an earlier conversation of the bridge incident…
Mr TaT: “Nah mum, not the same if it’s on your car?”
Mum: “Yeah that was funny.” We were not on the same page on that one!
Mum: “I meant that large deposit on your left shoulder…”
Mr TaT: “What?!” I quickly reached for my left - she was right – there was a large streak all the way down my side. The little shit had landed one on me!
Mum: “Well at least they missed the car this time.” She was visibly holding back a cackling laugh…
Mr TaT: “Yeah I guess…..oh…..no……” I just remembered that fly landing on my shoulder earlier.
Running back to the car; the all too familiar stain – this time on the seat shoulder rest.
The fricking frick frick!
It went against being vegetarian but at that moment I would happily hand that pigeon over to KFC.
My focus went past the driver’s area and saw the back seat – it was all pebble dashed with bird poo! The stuff had landed with such force on my shoulder that it exploded on to the back!
Why!!!!!!!!!!
Take Away:
It’s not just bulls that see red - a recent study showed that the red cars attract more bird poop!
(https://axleaddict.com/cars/red-cars-are-the-color-most-likely-to-be-dive-bombed-by-birds)