Exam funnies...
Years of sitting exams I have gathered some funny memories. This is a short recap of some of the ones I recently found myself telling.
It should be noted that, although these memories are funny in hindsight, they were anything but when they occurred. In fact, most of them added to the already heightened stress levels of sitting the damn exam!
Some examples that come to mind:
a) Sitting down to an exam and taking 22 minutes before realising I was sitting on the wrong side of the hall. Up until which I was genuinely trying to answer a Chemistry paper even though I was meant to be sitting an algebra exam! In my defence, it was a regular occurrence in my department and might explain some of the low pass marks in Maths.
b) The time when someone let out a scream upon seeing the first question. Then moments later, stating to a silenced room “Here it goes again…”
c) Seeing that person who is so prepared for the exam they finish before time; and then, get out the coloured pens to mark their own paper!
d) Hearing about the friend who would leave their account details and phone number in the answer pad just in case they could sway the result. In retrospect; he did do abnormally well, so perhaps…
e) The guy - there was always one - who, in the aftermath of the exam wanted to discuss every question in detail. Then go on to tell you how wrong you were on that seventy-mark question. Oh, and how he would be surprised if he didn’t get at least 95%! Ps: the same guy was usually a lot quieter when he was the only one not to have passed.
The story below however is one where the star of the show was not one of the students but the examiner!
The countdown begins…
Some background
When sitting my professional exams, students would have to make their way to an out of town conference center. We would arrive at the exam hall earlier than required just to ensure we were there on time.
The exams would be invigilated by people who were already qualified and had kindly volunteered to help others in the journey. A bit of me thinks they “gifted” their time because they partly enjoyed watching others going through the same pain they had to endure themselves. Side note: you may be getting how little I enjoyed the exams...
The scene
Picture around 30 to 50 young professionals sitting or standing around a large waiting room. With the exam room door closed off, there was little to do but wait. With the usual mix of exam personalities on show:
a) The last-minute crammers; coffee tables and chairs covered with notes and books, the crammers were looking for every second they could find to force more information into their heads.
b) The cool cats; who talked about anything but the exam subject. They already knew what needed to be known and were prepared. Oh, and boy did they want others to know how ready they were!
c) The coffee junkies; this group had obviously over done the caffeine hit and were wired to take off any minute!
d) The stoics; quiet and aloof, they avoided all interaction with others and were in another zone. They were all about focus.
e) The nervous ones; asking anyone and everyone what they thought was coming up in the exam and endlessly talking about the subject.
Myself, I flitted between the various groups, but usually sat in silent dread.
The examiner
I reckon he was new to the examiner side of things and may have recently qualified himself. This could be the only reason for him adding to the angst below. Either that, or he intentionally wanted to make the room more nervous than needed.
Anyhow, you get the context in which this plays out. 35 minutes before the official start time and the exam room door opens. Not unusual but I could count on one hand how many times the door was opened early. And of those occasions it was for the examiners to fetch themselves refreshments.
Not the case this time. Out popped a suited guy, looking at his watch.
Examiner: “We will be starting soon; can you start making your way to the exam room”
Tom: “Huh? Has he got the right time?” Tom was a kind of exam buddy (like an “office wife” / “office husband”, Tom was my friend in the exam room, available for idle chit chat and distracted catch ups every 6 months).
Another student: “Yeah, you know we have half an hour yet?”
Examiner: “Yes, I am aware of the time. Please make your way to your tables.”
Tom: “Guess we best make our way in…”
A few raised eye brows but no one really looking to start a debate. One by one entered the room. Finding empty tables, within 5 minutes we were all seated. Now, if we thought the waiting room was awkward and uncomfortable, that was nothing compared to this. A room full of nervous fidgety adults sitting in absolute silence waiting for the minutes to pass.
Examiner: “25 minutes to go.”
This guy was going to count us down!
Examiner: “20 minutes…”
We could hear the clock ticking. Some of us had started to nod off, the nervous adrenaline wearing off way before the exam start. He then started to hand out the exam paper.
Examiner: “Remember, you are not to touch the paper until the official start. Which will be in 15 minutes…precisely”.
He could not have tried harder to put us off had he wanted.
Examiner: “10 minutes and counting….”
A few of us exchanged a couple of smirks. Was this guy for real or were we being punk’d for some sick corporate funny video?!
Examiner: “5 minutes, nearly there. Get yourselves ready.”
What did he think we were waiting for?!
“Three minutes…”
“Two..."
“60 seconds…” Oh, dear lord! He was going to count down the seconds. This was like being at a sports event but there was no race or boxing match. It was a bloody exam!
“30….” Looking around you could see more and more people getting agitated. Feet and legs hopping up and down like rabbits. Pencils being sharpened to within an inch of their useful life.
This guy was bringing the room to boiling point.
“15…10…”
Now, to get a grasp of this, imagine sticking your hand up with digits stretched out.
“5, 4 , 3…” With each second he announced, down came another finger. In fact, he did this rather artistically, rotating his hand with each new second.
Far from helping us to focus he was getting us to marvel at his creativity!
“2….” And then for what can only be classed as his pièce de résistance; instead of announcing the last second, he circled his arm backwards in a 360-degree movement before bringing his last finger up to point at the room and motioned us to start…the closest I have seen to this are the guys counting down TV new presenters.
We were left gobsmacked! What the heck just happened!? Instead of starting I sat there, mouth open simply staring forward in disbelief. It was only when he gestured at me that I recalled the pressing exam I was sitting.
That man cost me a minute – a precious 60 seconds - of exam time. It may not seem much while sitting at home reading this article but ask anyone who has ran out of time what they would do for a mere 60 seconds more.
To this day I attest he was the reason I and a good portion of the others were resitting the paper 6 months later! I am not bitter....
Lessons…if any
1) Arriving early is not always a good thing
2) Understand the context in which you are doing something. Counting down looks cool and has a place in movies and TV, it adds to the drama and spectacle. BUT it is not always appropriate, especially when it makes people sitting an exam more nervous than they need to be!
...honestly not bitter...
Hope you enjoyed reading the latest addition. Do you have notable exam experiences? Drop me a message.
Again, feel free to share with friends and family.