Parents and Eagles
The following conversation unfolded between a father and son amidst extended family (a few uncles and cousins). Having enjoyed a large family meal of home cooked food, the various generations grouped around the garden pond and were in the throes of one-upmanship. With each participant showing how they knew most about why the world was and how best to put the ‘was’ right.
The underlying context was one of frustration borne by the younger generations at not being allowed to ‘live’ as they so put it. For the family was part of the Indian diaspora, now living in the UK. The relevance of the story however will be of resonance for people from different backgrounds.
Being natural showman and grand standers by nature – the son having learned from the father – the conversation concluded with the two having the exchange that follows.
Son: Parenting can simply be put and shown in the context of a bird and its chick far up in the tree like the one over there.
Uncle: What do you know about the art of parenting? You have no children even though you have been reminded how old you are!
Son: Yes yes, but I do know how it feels to be parented and how suffocating it sometimes feels. You lot (pointing at his father and uncles) have protected us beyond the necessary and are in danger of leaving us unable to fly on our own.
Father: What you call suffocating others would cherish as love and would happily swap with any one of you.
Son: Hear me out. Imagine a newly hatched chick high up there and its parent is feeding/nurturing it until the day comes that it can fly.
Well, you guys feed it past the point of flying and carrying on nurturing and feeding until the poor chick is so fat and wings so wide that it is not able to stand let alone fly.
Much the same we feel that our generation is coddled and wrapped up in cotton wool beyond what is healthy.
Instead it would be best to get the chick up to the stage of being able to stand and then let it jump off the branch and see whether it can fly on its own.
Father: So, you reckon we stop you from flying?
Son: Well, no not quite but we do feel that you protect us to such a degree that we do not get a chance to fly.
Really, your parenting should be like that of the birds. Nurture to the point that the young one can then step off the branch and then see for themselves whether they will fly or die. And not over protect to the point that the poor bird can’t even take off and live.
Having completed the point, the son was now looking around for a bit of acknowledgement from his fellow cousins at having ‘won’ over the elders. However…
Father: You’re wrong.
Son: What?! Admit it, I am right – the parent’s role is to enable the child to live or die by his/her own accord. The parents should nurture and then allow the child to make its own decision and like the bird fly or die.
Father: Wrong.
Son: What’s wrong? (Looking around in disbelief for recognition that the father and uncles were such sore losers)?
Father: That there are just two options for the bird.
Son: Excuse me?
Father: Well, you think that there is just the fly or die outcome?
Son: Yes! Its not like the bird can do anything but fly or die the first time it launches off.
Father: This is the difference between us, every parent knows that there are three possible outcomes.
You are right on the first two, the bird jumps and either falls to its death or it can fly. However, there is a third outcome. Do you know what it is?
Son: Nope, but I feel you are going to “educate me”. (Rolling his eyes at how silly this was becoming).
Father: Well, there are two options; die, fly and then the third of really flying.
Son: Whats’ that then?!
Father: Have you ever seen someone walking or talking or doing something and they are simply doing it better than anyone else. They just have the wow factor that makes people stop and think “wow!”. A bit like John Travolta in that film where he is wearing the white suit. He owns that walk and right there he is meant to be no-where else.
You must have experienced that in your life, where once in a while someone is so perfectly in a place that they are simply not meant to be anywhere else in life.
Son: I guess so, but what has this to do with the bird and parenting? (Now feeling nervous that his point was been taken away and that he was about to get a demonstration of the elder’s wisdom in the public forum)
Father: Well, Son, that’s what good parenting should aspire to. Parents, where possible are not just looking to nurture to the point of flight but to enable the child to fly and soar like an Eagle. To be able to fly stronger and better than anyone before it and to inspire others. That’s what parenting is about.
Son: Damn!
Father: I think the term is “Mic Drop….”